Screenwriting in Sainsbury’s Aisle 12

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

Ambiguous title? A quick screenwriting explanation – my friend screenwriting Leigh told me that screenwriting if I used the screenwriting word ‘screenwriting’ a lot in this screenwriting blog then it will screenwriting find its screenwriting way up the screenwriting google search. Well I’m not that screenwriting bothered about screenwriting that anyway, but thought I’d screenwriting get a few screenwritings in here anyway. I think that’s enough screenwriting for now! So that explains the screenwriting…but what about Sainsbury’s Aisle 12? Well, I’ve told a few people this story…last week I had a ‘Donnie Darko’ style experience. I was working till the early hours most evenings, and then in the office for 9 each day. Towards the end of the week I was sitting at my desk putting a script together in a bit of a daydream, when suddenly I found myself standing in the middle of Sainsbury’s in the pasta aisle. I mean I love pasta, but we don’t have the sort of facilities at work to start knocking up a Spag Bol or anything…so I knew it was weird. I just don’t remember how I got there!!! It’s not like I flew or teleported, I obviously walked, but I don’t remember it. It’s not a phenomenon, I’ve had this before after one too many shandys – but to have it without being drunk and in the middle of the day was quite trippy. OK, I think I’ve made my point, and I don’t want to bore you with it anymore – it’s not even a great story.

So I’d like to start with a few apologies, and the first one is to apologise to anyone I forget to apologies to in this apology! I’d like to apologise to all my friends who are sick of asking me how I am and hearing me respond with ‘busy!’. I’d like to apologise to my girl M-Lo and my boy Chris Russell who I was supposed to catch up with this weekend gone, to my rowing buddies and particularly my crew for my no shows last week (and for having the odd cigarette here and there), to my Screenwriting cohort for my lack of input with the organisation of our show in London, to Mr. Regan who I still haven’t set a date to see yet, and I’m sorry for all the txts I haven’t replied to, fb messages and emails I’ve missed, and all the phone calls I haven’t picked up. I’m also sorry to Will, Shev, Edward Holland Junior, the uni boys and anyone else I’ve been meaning to call/see and haven’t had a chance to yet (even though I saw the uni boys on Sat for a few Sambuccas). Oh and I’m sorry for all the shameful spamming of my latest short film (and would like to apologise in advanced for more spamming nearer the time of judging). And lastly, I’d like to say that I refuse to apologise to my bank manager for spending all his money in the last couple of months – he can kiss my arse!!!

So now that’s out of the way – here’s a picture from some test footage I was shooting last night (Sunday) at about 10pm.

OK, I know, it’s one of THOSE pictures – the ones where you know you’re trying to look ‘cool’…and YES, it is now my profile picture!!! But whatever, I did the test shoot and then was up till 2:30am editing (look out Sainsbury’s Aisle 12) I’m shooting another music vid for a track I’ve fallen in love with. The three artists involved are Parv, Sir Mic and Miss Culley, and the track is called ‘Pot of Gold’…a lot of talent between them and I think the vid will be sick – I’ll post it on here as soon as it’s done. Anyway, I was just playing around with lighting etc. I bought some 500w tungsten ‘site lights’ from Amazon – three lights cost me under £40 and I think they do an excellent job. So a tip for all those independent filmmakers out there – if you want some fairly decent lighting for cheap, get to B&Q, Homebase or look online. So that’s one project on the horizon, and I’m still working on other projects including Estee’s Superman vid and another short film, but I guess the main thing to report is that I’ve finished my Reed short film entry! Here it is for those who haven’t seen it (I doubt there are many of you) …

I’m pleased with it. I mean – I’m a bit of a perfectionist so I could sit here all day picking faults with it, but for a one day shoot with only a small amount of my overdraft left to pay for it, I think it’s worked out well. Obviously I have some awesome acting (Andrew Kinsler, Sarah Bason & my sis) and help from my producer at work (Barry Short) with the sound and Owen Potter with the music to thank for the quality of the finished product, but we’ll see how it goes. I’ve had some pretty good feedback so far – I wanted it to make people laugh and I think it’s done that for most, so  I think I’ve achieved what I set out to. I just want to share this with you, though; it’s the feedback I got from my accountant (Jackie) at work –

‘Well now, I’ve watched it 3 times and can’t see Jason Statham anywhere?? I have no idea what I’m comparing it to so am completely unqualified to comment – but here’s what I think anyway bud – what did he give her back? Possibly a tampax or a memory stick??? The filming was OK, couldn’t quite hear all the words. It didn’t make me lol, more of a little snigger – during the 3 mins I had brief thoughts of the Matrix (??? No idea where that came from) and a little Green Hornet – so from a complete film tosser who loves all the unnecessary blood, guts and gore of the saw movies (not to mention the human centipede!) and who would marry the afore mentioned JS tomorrow – I think you have potential DB – don’t forget me when you’re famous and rich xx surely a 3 min clip from my life would have grabbed the judges balls a little tighter??’

I absolutely love this feedback! Not just because it’s honest, but because someone who likes the sort of films I’d usually turn my nose up at, actually took the time to watch my film and then write a review. This was my response –

‘Quite possibly the BEST feedback I’ve had to date!!! Thanks Jacks, I think you’re completely wasted in your job – definitely should take up writing ‘alternative’ film reviews. And yes, I agree your story will grab them by the balls…just want to start my film career luring people into a false sense of security with these happy little numbers, and then blast them with a dose of Jackie’s world!!! P.s. he gave her a lipstick! X

However, please don’t ALL follow Jackie’s example – I do very much like receiving all the praise from my friends that will say my work is good no matter how crap it really is. Well I think I’ll leave it there for now. As you know I have a lot going on, so look out for any new blogs or videos I post on FB. Oh, and please subscribe to my youtube channel ( if you want to be the first to see any new vids when I upload them!

Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.

Peace x


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